Saturday, March 31, 2007
got alot of things to talk about.. lets hope i remember them..
on Monday i went drama.. den never eat breakfast den got gastric.. i everytime gastric oso never pain until liddat.. at this moment.. amelia and ching hui helped me.. they gave me medicine.. so i wanna thank them.. thanks..
den tuesday is father's lu funeral.. it doesn't really affect me at first.. but when i saw his coffin in the van passing me.. i cried.. and prayed that god would take care of him.. the image of the coffin is still in my mind..
on wed.. cross country.. never get top 20.. prayed to god for 4 months le.. he never answer...
after that went eat lunch with vivinne and hu min.. after lunch still got alot of time left so.. we played mr wolf.. and our hand phones.. had fun.. den got drama..
thursday.. supposed to go online.. but cannot..
friday.. ice cream day..
saturday... went drama........ found out some frens read my blog but dun tell me de.. hahas.. so must tag...wanna thank nisha and vivinne..
lols...
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
I left god for a time being because i felt that we need to break off before my love for him disappears... i dun wanna depend on him anymore.. why should i depend on him when he never answer my prayers?.. i do love him.. thats why im leaving him.. dun wanna dissapoint him.. asked him to leave me.. yupp.. his still with me.. he never left.. its just that his not in my heart any longer.... the god of love is not in my heart.. can't feel the love around me.. felt so empty.. feeling so afraid.. felt no love around me.. no love from god.. and my loved ones..
leaving him is one thing.. coming back is another.. i can't get back to him.. there is a barrier separating us now.. the barrier is satan himself.. pushing us further and further apart.. i can imagine god trying so hard to touch me.. his smiling and telling me "daddy is here to save u..." and once jesus mange to touch me i said "God dun do this..".. and brush him away.. and satan is smiling.. encouraging me to do so... can u imagine when i can hear no encouragement from anyone and only the devil.. what will i do.. i will go with him of course.. im near to the point of... no return..
THERE ARE SUCH CASES THAT BACKSLIDDERS NEVER CAME BACK TO GOD.. i not a backslidder but i just left him for a while.. and even if i dun return to jesus.. its part of his plan that he doesn't want me... i will accept it.. so meanwhile i just stay there and do nothing (i dun care le) and just hope that he could help me win the battle with my inner devil..
im a bastard..
Friday, March 16, 2007
yoz.. long time never blog le..
spent most of my holidays in drama. left one day for god.. on wed.. went for an encounter...
hmmmm... god rules!.. ahahas...
OMG!!.. u rule.. ahahas.. dunno wad to say..
oh ya.. my class got these two person that are catholics.. but every morning never see them praying... BUT.. during a crisis.. i saw two of them talking to god.. praying to him.. im happy coz they didn't forgot god will be there at their moments of needs.. they still trust god.. but.. they should oso pray la.. lols..
U RULE!!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I thought that i could let it go.. but everytime.. nvm..
i wrote this song last year sep.. the lyrics and tune is ORIGINAL.. u can ask me to sing.. if i have the mood.. hahas.. hope u like it..
verse 1 :
My purose of life isn't too hard to seek..
my purpose id simply to love u forever..
to have u with me i had lived to the fullest...
but now u have left i see no point of living..
CHORUS:
What is my purpose of life without u?..
What in the world am i here for other than loving u..
there is no reason to live..
On the day that u left me..
my world died around me.. i can't find strenght to live on..
without u..
there is still verse two and three... too lazy to type.. so if u wanna see the full version.. tell me..
hahas.. give me ur comments..
cya..
bb..
God rules..
